Joshua Maloney

tih-NITE-us or TIN-uh-tus

There is a constant ringing, buzzing, or eeeeeing in my ears. It is the sound of a struck symbol between the hit and its slow reduction in reverberation, but tinnitus doesn’t go away. There is constant din at the shore as waves crash, but that sound is peaceful; tinnitus irritates. Tinnitus reminds us of the times our ears rang from the explosions in combat. Blast-exposed service members, with the bangs and booms that injured the ears and started perceiving ringing sound without an external source.. 

Tinnitus is the number-one disability among Veterans and affects nearly 15% of American adults, but most people don’t know what it is. People with tinnitus hear ringing, buzzing, high-pitched whistling, or many other sounds in one or both ears when no external sound is present. The rate of tinnitus in some groups of veterans more than tripled from 2001 to 2015. Some causes are the increase in blast-exposed and multiple blast-exposed service members. However, lawsuits against 3M indicate defects on the green side of the combat earplugs we wore in training and combat. 3M allegedly falsified the earplugs’ decibel-reduction rating to indicate they would protect in times of constant high-decibel-level sounds, such as during loud combat.

My ears first rang in 2008 in Ft Irwin, California. As a member of 1st Cavalry training in the desert. we were raiding an “Iraqi” complex with a suspected cache of weapons. Our genius leaders decided for us to drive a few kilometers away from our target, where we would all get out and make the rest of the trek on foot in the name of operational security. Though this was a live-fire exercise, I kept my 3M earplugs in my helmet band until I entered the village. We ran, and I looked like a boob. Knee pads around my ankles while mouth breathing I was exhausted and just wanted to lie down.

I go for my ear pro when we see the village, but we start running. Bang, bang, bang! I hear from the village. I had to hold my rifle with two hands, so I had no free time to insert a delicate plug. I was more stressed about an NCO finding out I didn’t have my ear pro than any problems from not wearing them. I am in the walls of the village now, a four-man team stacks on a small building at the door. Were all nut to butt, rocking forward and back as we prepare to enter the door. I am the last man. The one responsible for breaching the door. I come around to the door, plant my rear foot, and kick the plywood door open. My battle buddy came behind me and fired a live round next to my head. A bang followed by an endless ringing eeeeeeeee!

It felt like my head was hit by a bat. The blast of the rifle concussed my left ear. I heard ringing, felt like vomiting, and was trying to hold it together, so no one knew my ear pro was out. “Stop, stop, stop,” the cadre announces. “You,” pointing at my buddy, “just fired a live round next to this soldier’s head,” pointing at me. “And you, what was up with that ballerina move?” I felt like I was going to fall over. Nauseous and dizzy, I could barely hear him over the new ringing in my head. “I don’t know, Sergeant,” is all I could muster back. I got my ear pro back in before the cadre said, “Let’s Charlie Mike,” code for continue mission, “and stay away from the theatrics and headshots.”

Below is a YouTube with ringing like mine.

I was exposed to numerous more and significantly larger blasts while in Iraq. IEDs hit the truck I am in, no ear pro. Mortar round lands close enough to hit me with shrapnel, no ear pro. A rocket flies by the truck, but there is no ear pro. Some people are mad at 3M and want money from a settlement, but full disclosure: I didn’t wear my ear pro all that much in combat. The VA supports me, giving me 10% compensation for life and Progressive Tinnitus Management. A program where veterans work with a team of clinicians to create a personalized action plan to help manage their reactions to tinnitus and make it less of a problem. 

Through Progressive Tinnitus Management, I began to listen for my tinnitus. At least for a bit, I worked to identify the sounds I heard rather than subordinate and disassociate them. A high-pitched ringing in both ears, louder in the left. Sometimes it gets worse, but it never gets better. My right ear comes and goes, depending on my sugar levels and blood pressure. I am also prescribed sound-emitting hearing aids, which play sounds to mask the ringing I hear. I even have a sound machine and under-pillow speakers provided by the VA. The sound-emitting hearing aids and the sound machine play a similar noise—a constant hush like a fan at the pitch of my ringing. 

Progressive Tinnitus Management has improved my life. Something bothersome had to be noticed to be approved. Once I listened to and focused on the sounds, I could identify the pitch. Now, I can pay attention in quiet rooms and hold conversations at low volumes. I am not a prisoner in the box of tinnitus.